Oh diary, let me tell you about today! Today was a good day. A really good day, actually.
I got to be super late and slept even later. Granted, it still amounted to about 8 hours of sleep but when it hits eight hours at 11am, it’s late no matter what.
After that, I got up and went out for lunch. Yeah! While there, I wrote letters to friends and then I mailed them! Yeah yeah! After that, I had dinner with some of my favorite people in the world. Yeah yeah yeah!
I also made my mom laugh so suddenly, she snorted food through nose. That’s a rare combination there, diary.
I’m starting to get nervous about next month, even though it’s a month away. I have so much planned, so many trips and projects and BIG HUGE THINGS packed into six or seven weeks.
It could be the end of me.
Let’s lay it all out there and see what’s what.
So that’s what I’m looking at.
Diary, between you and me, I need to be a lot better me than I’ve been. I can tackle this but it will be hard.
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It’s your old pal, Joe. You know how I always joke with people that I’m going to write about any given incident in my diary and people laugh because they’re all “This dude said he was gonna write in his diary!” and how it’s funny because a) I’d write about it in my diary and b) a big dude like me has a diary?
Well, I’ve decided to take this tumblr dedicated to me writing stuff (which I don’t actually write in) and change it to be a diary. Of sorts. I mean, it’s called my diary but, between you and me, it’s not a real diary.
For example, there is no lock on the cover. There is also no cover. Still, I will use this as a diary. I will write every damn day. I promise you (me) this.
I thought of this tonight while talking to a nice gentleman named Ben. I met him at my friend Heather’s birthday party. He started talking to me because I was wearing my crown.
Yes, I wore my crown. I figured people would get a kick out of it. They did. Ben is a great example. The invitation also mentioned people should wear hats. This is my hat.
Anyway, when I told Ben I was wearing the crown because I figured people would think it was funny, he said it worked and was, in fact, pretty funny. I told him I was really happy it worked out for me and that I would mention him in my diary. Except I don’t actually have a diary. That’s how I got the idea to make one.
I also said I would have a court reporter do a recreation of our meeting. My crown would appear much larger in this picture. He asked that the picture also make it so he has a huge penis.
My regular court report was busy so I had to do it myself.
Note my reaction to Ben’s enormous penis. Also, note my huge crown.
So that’s what happened tonight, diary. Thanks for listening. Talk to you tomorrow.